My Worst Nightmare

I don't know when it started. I could say that it started 2 years ago, but I really haven't thought much about it since that time. I was supposed to be okay. I was supposed to go on with life with one less fallopian tube. Big f'in deal.

But here I am now. Standing at the start of what is going to be the longest and hardest journey of my life. Am I angry? Yes. Am I scared? Yes. Am I overwhelmed? Yes. But I can't do squat to change any of it. So I am ready to take the first step of this journey and I think that sharing it with you will help me as well.

I will find strength in God, in family, and in friends.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." --Isaiah 41:10

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My dad shared this email with me and I thought that it hit home.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as if as soon as one problem was solved a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. The mother filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots. In the second she placed eggs. And the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.

About twenty minutes later, she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.

Turning to her daughter, she said, "Tell me what you see."
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. (You known the tone of voice.)

She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did, and noted that they felt soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg inside. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "So, what's the point, mother?" (Remember the tone of voice.)

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid center. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its insides had become hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water...they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot , an egg, or a coffee bean?"

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Screw Cancer. I am the coffee bean and I am not going to let this change who I am.