"Oh Crap"

Chemo round 1 is done. The actual chemo wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. But, it is now a waiting game for the side effects to come. The nurse told me to expect nausea, leg cramps, neuropathy, and of course my hair. The hair won't come out for another 2 weeks...but it will come out.

I am not sure what people know about the infusion centers. I knew nothing until yesterday but they aren't so bad. Here is a picture:



The chairs were actually quite comfortable (good thing because my chemo took 6 hours!). I got there first so I apparently I got the best chair in the room (the one by the window) but it didn't really matter. I was still scared and nervous. My mom was there to comfort me, which was nice.

I am not one of the lucky patients to have a port (yet) so the nurse, Peg, had to give me an IV. That part really hurt. I hate needles. In fact, I loathe them. I, of course, didn't watch Peg put the needle in, but when the IV was in, there was a little blood and I was sort of grossed out (How am I going to handle childbirth???)

They started me on 2 "pre-meds" which included a steroid and some benedryl to curb any allergic reactions that I might have. Never in my life have I felt so jittery an tired all at the same time. My mind was racing and I almost couldn't sit still, but I was also incredibly sleepy. I was slurring my speech and mumbling. I couldn't fall asleep like I probably should have, but I really wanted to take everything in so I may have sub-conscienciously fought the urge to close my eyes and take a nap.

Once those drugs were in, the nurse started the Taxol. My first chemo drug. It was going to take 3 hours for the entire drug to get into my body. When the drug first hit my body, there was a little burning sensation and some pressure (all normal) but the whole day still felt a little surreal. Is this really happening? And when I looked around the room and saw four other women going through the same exact thing, I told myself, "Yup, Sarah, it is".

About 15 mins into my treatment, a woman sat down next to me. Up until that point, the only person that really spoke to me was my mom. But this woman just jumped right in and started asking me questions and was excited to have someone to talk to.

Her name was Sandy and she was part of a clinical trial for ovarian cancer. She was diagnosed last September and finished her first round of chemo in March. Then, in May she started a clinical trial because she was late stage and it had spread to abdominal lining. She was, by far, one of the nicest and most informative women that I have met. Yeah, I did my research on the internet before all of this and I told myself that I knew what to expect, but hearing it from Sandy made it more real and more definite.

We swapped stories and when I mentioned delivering the baby, she looked at me quizzically. I was covered up with a blanket so she had no idea that I was pregnant. The first reaction was, "Oh Crap". And as I continued my story all she could say was "Oh Crap". It was "Oh Crap" after "Oh Crap" and it actually made me smile. I said..."That is exactly how I feel about it...Oh Crap"

Sandy had a pretty bad reaction to the benadryl and got a little faint (after insisting on standing up and showing me her scar on her belly). She went to sleep but one of the side effects of the drug that she was getting was sneezing. So for the next few hours, I got to listen to Sandy sneeze about 15 times/hour. We chuckled about it when she woke up but it was at that point that I realized, someone always has it worse than me and that I should be thankful for what I have.

Once the Taxol was complete, I was given anti-nausea medication and then the 2nd chemo drug, carboplatin, which took a little over an hour. I was finally able to fall asleep which made the time fly by. I said good-bye to Sandy and I secretly hoped I would see her again at another treatment.

I am learning to open up about all of this and share my story. I am a very independant woman and I used to thrive on the notion that I could get through things with very little help and support. But, being in that room yesterday made me realize that it is okay to lean on people...even complete strangers.

"That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
-2 Corinthians 12:10