Large and In Charge? Not So Much....

I know that no one ever said that this would be easy. I definitely didn't expect it to be but when I was finally left to my own devices (i.e. Mom and Dad left and I was expected to take care of Natalie on my own), I was a wreck. My hormones (or lack there of) are making me crazy. Literally. I cry at the drop of a hat for no reason at all. I look at my new baby and I start to cry. I look at Kevin and I start to cry. OMG...what the heck is going on with me??? I totally freaked Kevin out (I think) or I just made him worry immensely because he called my mom at 11:00 at night and asked her to come back. Grandma Lona was very happy to come back and see her granddaughter.

It is crazy to not feel in control of your own self. It was the first time in a long time that I didn't want to fight this cancer anymore. All I wanted to do was take care of the baby and I knew that I couldn't do that if I was feeling sick from chemo. I was also scared to start chemo again because I was afraid because I was scared it was going to be worse than before. That I am going to be sicker and weaker.

So, I finally called the doctor. One small prescription and I have better living through chemistry. I am not ashamed. I still hold my head high and thank God for the help that I have.

I have my port installed tomorrow and my next round of chemo on Wednesday. Gotta continue the fight. Natalie needs her mama to be healthy.