The Results are In...

This is the blog entry that I have been dreading writing for over a month now. But, I owed it to the people who love me and read my blog to know the whole story.

I found out the results of the pathology from my surgery. I need to preface this news with the fact that I did NOT want to know the results. If the doctors found nothing, I would be pissed that I had a surgery that would not allow me to experience the joys of childbirth again. If they found something, I would just be pissed in general because the two rounds of chemo that I endured while pregnant didn't do much.

I also must tell you that it was just this logic that upset Kevin and caused many uncomfortable conversations between the two of us. He loves me so much and he wanted to know, but I just couldn't bring myself to call up my oncologist to find out what was the news. But, it is because I love Kevin and Natalie so much that I picked up the phone to make the call.

It wasn't the news either of us wanted to hear. I guess that if I really had to choose an outcome, it would be that the doctors found nothing. But, the cards were not in my favor that day.

They found cancer on my other ovary, in my cul-de-sac (abdominal cavity behind uterus), and in one of the samples of the lymph nodes that he took. And of course, the washings from my abdominal cavity were positive. That puts me at a Stage IIIc.

I can't really say how I felt about the news. A little indifferent, I guess. I am still unsure about how I feel about it all. I guess that I am just letting it sink in. It is scary, but I am really trying to stay positive about it all.

My treatment remains the same. Finish the 6 rounds of chemo and then follow-up with continuous blood work, CT scans, and ultrasounds.

It sucks. But cancer, in general, sucks.