Kevin came with me to chemo for the first time. I think that it was good for hime to be there (and it was good for me).
I was really excited because when I finished today, I only had 1 more round to go! That means I could start putting this behind me and moving on with my life. And my hair would grow back in time for my brother's wedding this coming summer.
Kevin and I got a little bit of a surprise today. My doctor wants to put me on a Study Trial for research which will require me to do 12 more rounds of "maintenance Chemo". The study is being sponsored by the Gynecological ONcology Group.
I am not excited about 12 more rounds of chemo...especially if I happen to be randomly chosen to get the placebo...b/c then it becomes a waste of my time, but I think that I have to do this. In fact, I know that I have to do this.
I am not happy about it, but I am living for Natalie now and it really isn't a choice at this point. Plus, I can be a part of something that helps with a long term cure.
Mentally and Emotionally, I am not prepared to do this. I was prepared to be done. But now, I have to start all over in a sense.
The doc gave me a packet that talks about "extending life" and "living longer"...that scares the crap out of me. Seriously??? I have to start thinking of things that will extend my life? I am only 30 years old...not fair.
I am going to do it. I am. But I feel like I have to reset emotionally, mentally, and physically. Almost like starting over. It is just a little frustrating is all.
Thank you to all who read this. The love and support is resounding and I thank God everyday for those in my life that care about me...family, friends, and strangers alike.
"I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me"- Phillipians 4:13
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6 comments:
Awesome photos Sarah and Natalie! Way to work it! Sweet ass- only one more round to go. I think it is so great that you are going to be in that study! Eventhough it may mean more meds- you are helping to move this thing in the direction of the cure. -RIGHT ON!
You girls are so pretty. I like the "Who is this person?" look on Natalie's face. I have quite a few of those from Michelle at the same age. Photographers have it tough, especially when trying to photograph smart chicks. Those girls don't fall for the goofy tricks and random sound effects.
Sarah, You blow me away. You are so beautiful, as is little Sarah I mean (Natalie)! I have a painting in my head that I will attempt inspired by your 12 round study. It is of you on a tight rope with that beautiful baby in your arms and a lovely parasol above you with family and friends watching you balance. You are a joy and inspiration with your honesty and wit. Thank you for being out loud about all you are going through. You challenge us all to grow. LOL, Aunt Jackie
ps Jen tells me LOL means laugh out loud- well I meant loads of love!
sarah you and miss natalie look absolutely amazing...as always. i am so sorry that you are experiencing such joy and heartache all at once. but what a lesson in living in the moment. you remind me how important it is to be grateful...and besides this cancer bullshit you my friend are a blessed lady.
all my love girl
Beautiful photos! Sarah, you are always an inspiration. We can't wait to see you and Kevin and meet the lovely Natalie this weekend! Love, Pam
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